on suppression, rage and masking. A Naturalists perspective on the relation between emotional repression and the so called ‘protected’ modes of fornication

 From an early age many of us learn that no one is truly a safe space for us to be ourselves fully around. Sometimes we learn from family that anger is the only appropriate emotion when faced with difficulty, for others, anger is shut down by mentors and family members, and we learn that it is safer for us to channel that rage inwards rather than let it out. Maybe we go numb, maybe we learn to be small, maybe we learn to criticize ourselves, and we lose the ability to express what’s inside. It’s not our fault. These emotional issues span generations, passing the torch of trauma from one unhealed offspring to the next. If as a child you learned that your authentic feelings would be rejected, as a survival mechanism you likely rejected or dismissed yourself in order to preserve the relationship. 

As an adult, I’ve struggled with this emotional and personality suppression. When I realized that so called ‘protected’ sex was an externalization of this inner suppression, I haven’t been able to sheathe my manhood with a rubber. If my raw nature can’t be accepted, my body shuts down. Making a concession for someone else while being inauthentic to yourself is NOT sexy. I sleep with like minded people. Honestly and clarity are important, and I have never been in an intimate situation without having a conversation about this first, I want someone who can take me as I am, and to let me witness them fully, be a space for each other to explore without needing to mask, to hide our ‘faces’ in shame. See me, that is all I want, witness me. 

Let’s be confident, let’s be confused, let’s be uncertain, but let’s not be controlled. Let our anger, tenderness and ecstasy make something beautiful, let us truly be uncensored, be human. I don’t want to lose myself again. 

Fast and Furious: Carnal Lust Eternal. Cerebral, Sublime, Superhuman Achievement in the Field of Ecstasy!

 The human condition is a subject discussed time and time again by some of the most famous philosophers. I haven’t read much of it, but there is a level of understanding you achieve from just existing. Performance enhancement, not artificially inserted, but wrung from the dishrag of perseverance. I sing the blues to sleep and to wake, there is something torturous about continuation of pattern. I was so upset when I got the letter this morning, abasement of my decency, base functions deserted me and the heart leapt like a heating bill. A decision is made somewhere to pull silly putty apart into wide bubbles and it fits together again but undeniably different. Blow blow blow blow blow blow blow blow blow blow blowjob sex fetish buxom breast balls ballsack bulge bulging boner bran belated birthday outfit birth cleaning it all out break of day sex birthday sex bludgeon butt belated sex boredom blue balls breakfast sex bander casual cum curtain sex pubic curtain cock creampie clitoris condomless colourful rest assure cunt pearl cuorduroy pants and leggings and panty hose strewn on the floor like some cultish contemporaries fantasy of free love. furious i’m furious for many things, i’m cerebral i contend clarity dangerous sex dilf dildo dumb thick dunce doggy style downward dog dick down derive meaning from something like this. clear out the snow something new it evokes clear out the cobwebs clear out the dustbunnies clear out the clear hierarchy in something like this. bland bland bland bland bland now superhuman achievement in the field of ecstasy and other normal compulsive behaviours for humans to endure i think. 

This Condom Hater Is Hurting

 This Condom Hater Is Hurting. 

I Feel the Sound of Rain. It Bangs at My Ear Drums and Makes Itself Known to Me. I Get No Relief. This Condom Hater Is Tired. This Condom Hater is Alone. This Condom Hater Is Hurting. I See No God When I Close My Eyes. I See Nothing, Or The Absence of Nothing. There Is Light But There Is No Warmth. This Condom Hater Is Confused. This Condom Hater Is Spent. This Condom Hater Is Hurting.