THE WHITE WHALE INSIDEIsaac Coady
On Tuesday nights, after my workout at the Lion’s Club, I went over to Julian’s apartment for dinner and casual sex. It was a fixed appointment which required no preamble or coordination. Sometimes he texted to ask if so-and-so could join us, or to forewarn me of any particular precautions I ought to take for the evening. The Tuesday which changed my life, and may just change yours, was a full moon in Pisces. The fish. How fitting. I took the train to Julian’s, and punched the code in the keypad to get into the building. The staircase was old carpet and thirteen flights. He was waiting for me inside, watching T.V., and drinking a beer. We met through mutual friends who thought I should get to know other transmascs before starting HRT. He had always been funny, and kind.
“Hey, butch,” he said. He turned his head to look at me from the couch. I laid my gym bag down by the door, and slipped off my Adidas Campus’.
“I’m gonna rip my clothes off my body, this is unbearable,” I replied, crossed the room, and threw myself down beside him. “When does it end?”
“What? The spontaneous boners? Or the weird looks from guys in the locker room?”
“Both,” I said. “Mostly the first one.”
He raised an eyebrow. He slid one hand over my short shorts, to cup my throbbing clit.
“You’ve got a ways to go, yet.” He turned his body toward mine, grinning, and began stimulating my hard-on with the palm of his hand. He ground it against me in circles, and chuckled at my juvenile desperation. “Might as well have fun with it while it lasts, though. I know I do.”
I threw my head back onto the seat, and squeezed my eyes shut. Julian knew exactly how electric my blood felt right now. How frayed and dismayed I was feeling. I took a few deep breaths, trying to make it last, before I realized I didn’t need to. We would go all night. We would go until we couldn’t anymore, and then go a bit further. We would call in so-and-so if we exhausted each other. I reached one hand to my scalp and the other to his, and pulled both of our hair. He pulled me in for a sloppy kiss, which turned quickly to biting his lip, nose, jaw, ear. He slipped a hand under the leg of my nylon shorts, and with finger and thumb, pinched my rock-hard micro. My skin burned from that spot in a fire that devoured me outward, then fizzled, like the alcohol on a baked Alaska flambé. My vision turned blue, like the air around those cakes. In the aftershock, my ears ringing, my chest heaving, was the first time I felt it.
Many people are so trapped in the mind-prison of cock that they will never understand the freedom in a life with pure fluids. They will never know the beauty of the sperm worm.
I was breathing hard through my nose, his forehead pressed against my temple. His hand under my shorts and boxers created a tunnel through the fabric, out onto my thigh. I felt the brush against my goosebumped skin of something slick, yet featherlight, and looked down to where his hand still tented my pants. I felt it again, a touch further down. It was slick like snails, but it skipped down my leg like a rock on still water. I lifted my left arm up into the air, grasped the loose fabric which concealed my immodesty, and pulled it up to expose this unusual cum spill.
“What the fuck?” I bellowed in shock.
Squirming down my leg like an inch worm was one single spermatozoid, white and creamy, the length of my forefinger. It left a translucent trail of thin discharge behind it, and slithered down my thigh enthusiastically, as if seeking passage through the cervix. I was frozen with disgust. “What the fuck is that?!”
Julian laughed quietly in my ear. He slid his hand out the tunnel he’d built in my pants, and plucked up the sperm worm by its fine tail. “First rodeo?” he asked, like a well-beaten joke.
He held it before us both, between his finger and thumb, the same digits that had pinched my clit, moments ago. I watched, jaw agape, as the spermatozoid wriggled, then shivered, then died.
“Hold out your hand,” he whispered to me. I let go of my shorts, and flipped up my palm. Things had become fuzzy, like I was playing a video game, a first person shooter, looking at the screen as my character looked down at their body. Disjointed. Julian let drop the creature like a thick silver chain, cold on my skin like metal.
“You’ve never seen one of these before?” He asked. I shook my head. “Welcome to sperm, butch. This here’s a T-sperm. The most potent semen known to mankind. And Transsexuality’s best kept secret. You make one of these bastards a day, and they’re guaranteed to take in any uterus they work their way into. One of nature’s blessings unto the trans community. I know it looks gross. Might be scary to you now, but I promise, the good outweighs the bad. Anyone you cum inside will be able to push it right back out, like a tampon, if they want to. And they can’t live outside the body for longer than ten, fifteen seconds. You can toss them or flush them. A lot of us get it out in the morning, then you cum empty discharge for rest of the day. Share fluids with whoever you want, no insemination possible. Everyone has different recovery times, but for the most part, you won’t produce another sperm until you’ve had a good night’s rest.”
I sat in a stupor while Julian spoke, staring at the thing in my hand. This worm had come from inside me. It had come out my dick. Or had it come out my vagina? I hadn’t felt anything pass through my urethra. But it was sperm, not discharge. Produced in the scrotum, not the ovaries.
“I’m freaking out, man. How… What the fuck?”
Julian smiled, tightened his arm around my shoulders, and stood up. He came back a moment later with two beers. He took the dead sperm worm out of my hand, and replaced it with a cold can.
“It’s okay to freak out,” he said. “I think I pissed the first time it happened to me. But you’ll get used to it. I don’t know one guy who hasn’t grown to love it.”
He was right. He always was, back then. We didn’t fuck more that night, I was too shaken up. We drank a few beers, watched stupid T.V., and then I took the bus home. I woke up early the next morning. My bedroom, the white walls and white sheets, the view from my window, everything, unchanged. My sperm, crawling out of my hole like a soldier in the trenches. Like a butterfly from the cocoon. Fish out of water, begging for life, struggling in my hand. I was already stiff and slippery from the thought of it. I slid one finger up my slit and circled the tip of my cock. The only image in my mind was the white whale waiting inside me. I imagined it swimming out, swimming through me, throwing me down and taking me, slithering in and out of my asshole, up one nostril and out the other. I knew my journey with the spworm had only just begun, and I could scarcely imagine where it would take me…