How to wear a penis: an illustrated style guide.

 As the premiere genitalia stylist of La Maison des Bonnes Bites et Connes du Grand Ouest et du Monde, it has come to my attention that most possessors of phallic materials are ignorant of today's hallmark trends in penis grooming and presentation.

Today, with the express interest of the folks at Life Without Rubbers, I’m happy to share this easy to follow guide on all of the day’s most hip and elegant ways to style your penis. 

The Vanilla (a.k.a The Comb-over)

Easily the most typical penial presentation one will see on the streets of their city. This look involves little more than wearing your flaccid dangle neatly to one side or the other, the persuasion of which should correspond to your dominant writing hand. While maybe insubstantial in the eyes of big-fashion, with good upkeep this casual look is a great go-to whether out on the town or for wearing around the house.

Le Croque Monsieur

Like The Vanilla but with the benefit of greater presence. This look deals in the currency of confidence by ensuring your member is never mistaken for insignificant again! To wear a Crouque Monsieur, one needs to keep a modicum of blood flow moving throughout the penis at all times of the day. We recommend a stylist-approved cinching-ring for this effect, but in a pinch a sufficiently tight rubber-band or hair-tie will also do the trick. 

The Red Baron

Consider this look the high-flying trapeze act of the penis world. In a gravity defying display, this style sees one’s flaccid member suspended in a perpetual salute by adhering the penis to the lower abdomen with tape. This look is sure to turn heads, especially if paired with some statement pubic grooming, such as a reverse-landing strip cut that accents the look’s verticality. Wear this one to your next corporate event to secure that big promotion!

I hope that this guide was both educational and inspiring, and I look forward to seeing what all of you are wearing around town this spring! 

Written by Nikolas Barkman

End of the rope

I've reached the end of my rope.. sick in bed and no signs of getting better. considering doing one last cinammon challenge with coal dust and resigning. listening to music in my head from my island hometown, and starting to think about some major difficulties that arise out of my own mental condition. I chose to focus on a specific issie when making this page, but spirituality and healing go so much farther than just confom reform. my sexual charisma dwindles when i'm in these modds,, im' not depressed, i know that i am not someone who would feel that way, but i languish in the blistering darkenss of my chambers, the piercing winter atmosphere sending me into renewed bouts of nausea. what is love, what is freedom, what is understanding, what is acceptance??? my heart and spirit ache for some material recognition of the non-corporeal questions that command my attention throughout my twisted illness. let up now

Penis reduction surgery

Sam's fl3shlight

Anyways just wanted to update everyone and offer a little advice to people who have the same problem as me. Thanks for reading and good luck guys!

 Hi this is Sam, you might remember me from my guest post a few days ago where I talked about the wonders of fluid bonding over the holiday season. I’m writing again for the readers of this blog to update them on my penis. 

I had booked a penis reduction surgery a few months back and finally had it just yesterday and I wanted to give you all an update. I was really nervous at first that they might not be able to reduce me to an ‘average’ size. I was really shooting for 6 inches in length at most because girls usually tell me thats what fits best inside their pussys but I must have gotten everything wrong because they thought I was talking about my girth. 

I guess the surgery goes both ways because they ended up increasing my girth 6 inches by implanting me with some sort of fake blood vessel tubing and I woke up from my surgery nap to find I was 10 inches in girth????

I tried jacking off later that night and my hand was horribly disgigred after that. Im not really sure what to do because im certain no one can open their mouths wide enough to fit my dick inside it anymore and I dont even think they make flishlights this wide. Thankfully ive been researching the grapefruit technique and im thinking that watermelons might be able to satisfy my twice daily needs so im planning on going out tonight and stockpiling a bunch of those. also for anyone eels who has the same problem I saw a video on Facebook about how you can make your own fcustom lashlights using gelatine I think so someone should get back to me if they try this. It sounds like a really cool way to tailor our lives to our body’s needs and I think thats what we need more of in this world

Written by Allen Bleich 2024, over the Christmas season

Fluid Bonding on One Night stands over christmas

 There I was, cock shrivelled up fro rolling around in the snow, just barely able to fit inside her gaping pussy. Mommy kissing Santa clause playing from the car radio. 

Sorry, I feel like I should back track a little bit. Hi, my name is Sam and I’m an economics student at Dalhousie University. The owner of this blog invited me to do a guest post since I he told me he couldn’tt take any more personal messages on these subjects, so here I am. Ready to share my fluid bonding story with the world.

I had never heard about fluid bonding until my grade 12 gym class. My Gym class teacher, mr. Hanson, who we called bubble butt because of his massive ass, was giving a lesson on safe sex using one of these old textbooks from probably the 60s or something. He was talking about condoms, and dildos, and everything else that is typical in contemporary sexual discourse these days. But what he never talked about was what I found in the last chapter of that old textbook.

It was a dusty ass page, but it had beautiful diagrams of the molecular bond that happens between two lovers on a cellular level during the act of fluid bonding. I was engrossed. I was enthralled. My dick gained two inches in length that day, hard and placid, and 3 inches in girth, flaccid, and 4 inches in girth hard. I know because I had to get a new ruler. Ever since that day my interest in fluid bonding have followed me through every day of my life.

Now that I’m in my second year of economics in college im meeting alot of beautiful women who are also studying economics. I’ve had lots of sexual interactions and im lucky to have a one night stand probably at least once every month. This is because I go to the bars and clubs around my school a lot, and I know the type of girl I’m gonna vibe well with. I think thats a key thing most guys should recognize, 

Written by Allen Bleich - 2024 this is written by Allen