on suppression, rage and masking. A Naturalists perspective on the relation between emotional repression and the so called ‘protected’ modes of fornication

 From an early age many of us learn that no one is truly a safe space for us to be ourselves fully around. Sometimes we learn from family that anger is the only appropriate emotion when faced with difficulty, for others, anger is shut down by mentors and family members, and we learn that it is safer for us to channel that rage inwards rather than let it out. Maybe we go numb, maybe we learn to be small, maybe we learn to criticize ourselves, and we lose the ability to express what’s inside. It’s not our fault. These emotional issues span generations, passing the torch of trauma from one unhealed offspring to the next. If as a child you learned that your authentic feelings would be rejected, as a survival mechanism you likely rejected or dismissed yourself in order to preserve the relationship. 

As an adult, I’ve struggled with this emotional and personality suppression. When I realized that so called ‘protected’ sex was an externalization of this inner suppression, I haven’t been able to sheathe my manhood with a rubber. If my raw nature can’t be accepted, my body shuts down. Making a concession for someone else while being inauthentic to yourself is NOT sexy. I sleep with like minded people. Honestly and clarity are important, and I have never been in an intimate situation without having a conversation about this first, I want someone who can take me as I am, and to let me witness them fully, be a space for each other to explore without needing to mask, to hide our ‘faces’ in shame. See me, that is all I want, witness me. 

Let’s be confident, let’s be confused, let’s be uncertain, but let’s not be controlled. Let our anger, tenderness and ecstasy make something beautiful, let us truly be uncensored, be human. I don’t want to lose myself again.